26 de março de 2014

Twain's best quotes

Estas são as 25 melhores citações de Mark Twain, de acordo com o site Flavorwire. Eu não sei porquê... mas não consigo resistir a partilhar. O génio deste homem merece ser partilhado, não é? Aqui têm.

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

“In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.” — Following the Equator

“The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.” — Mark Twain in Eruption

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.” — Mark Twain in Eruption

“It is just like man’s vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.” — What is Man?

“This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.” — On April Fool’s Day,Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar

“Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn’t any. But this wrongs the jackass.” — Notebook (1898)

“Jane Austen? Why I go so far as to say that any library is a good library that does not contain a volume by Jane Austen. Even if it contains no other book.” — Remembered Yesterdays

“It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.” — On the Bible, Letters from the Earth

“There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him — early.” — Notebook (1898)

“I have damaged my intellect trying to imagine why a man should want to invent a repeating clock, and how another man could be found to lust after it and buy it. The man who can guess these riddles is far on the way to guess why the human race was invented–which is another riddle which tires me.” — On cuckoo clocks, Letter to Henry H. Rogers (1894)

“I like criticism, but it must be my way.” — Autobiography of Mark Twain

“Whenever a copyright law is to be made or altered, then the idiots assemble.” — Mark Twain’s Notebook, 1902-1903

“Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.” — Letter to Henry H. Rogers (1905)

“Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.” — Following the Equator

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Notebook (1887)

“I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.” — Speech (1907)

“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.” — Notebook (1902)

“I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him.” — Autobiography of Mark Twain

“Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.” — The Mysterious Stranger

“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”

“Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.” — What Is Man?

“All human rules are more or less idiotic, I suppose. It is best so, no doubt. The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.” — Following the Equator

“France has neither winter nor summer nor morals — apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.” — Mark Twain’s Notebook

“All good things arrive unto them that wait and don’t die in the meantime.”

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