Psychological analysis: Seiichi Osabe

Laying on the Couch

   It’s been terribly difficult for me to come to terms with a work like Blood On The Tracks. Maybe that’s the intention… After all, there’s nothing human beings fear as much as the unknown and the unknowable. I’ve heard many people say around the interweb that mental illness is an ‘elephant in the room’ in Japanese society. In an interview for Viz, Junji Ito stated that mangakas are warned by editors to not write about such things as mental disorders, or mental illnesses. On an editorial level, it’s pretty obvious censorship is taking place, but it only comes to show how taboo this subject is. 

   So many of Oshimi’s characters are left in the lurch during a delicate time in their lives. as they are obviously going through some mental hardship. Nothing is ever named, it is merely alluded to (as if he’s circumventing editorial guidelines or something), and the same is true for Blood On The Tracks. This manga is packed to the brim with mental conditions and psychological riddles. With everyone! There’s not a single character in the story that I would consider emotionally healthy. I guess it would be easier for me to divide these amateurish psych evaluations per character, so here we go.

• Seiichi Osabe

The protagonist

   Despite the absence of thought bubbles, we spend enough time with this boy to realize quite a few things. Seiichi lives in a ‘gilded cage’, a little safety bubble that his mother created for him... but only we know that. Gradually, we learn who’s the cause of all of his suffering. The small, daily routines expose the impropriety of the bond with his mother. Her seemingly sweet demeanor hides a callous attitude towards her son. With the way she controls his every action, it’s little wonder that the boy is such an insecure introvert at 13 years old. Still, in the first few chapters, he rejects her, and is visibly embarrassed by her physical affection, he wants to spend time with his friends away from home, and he has romantic feelings for a girl in his class.

   For all intents and purposes, Seiichi seems like a normal 13-year-old kid. It would be easy to blame all of his problems on the event of July 27th… However, that’s how the story deceives us. We are invited to share this kid’s daily routines, and we get a feeling that something isn’t quite right, we feel uncomfortable by his bond with his mother (icky, really!) but we can’t pinpoint why. The event of July 27th serves only to exacerbate an existing condition.

   In reality, Oshimi doesn’t waste any time throwing us right into Seiichi’s subconscious. His nightmare with the white cat in chapter 1 evokes an early trauma and how he relives it in his mind night after night. According to the Encyclopedia of Sleep and Dreams, “persistent trauma-related nightmares are a near-universal symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.” So, the first thing we learn about Seiichi is that he is unconsciously reliving a traumatic memory. It’s something he can only think about and work through in his sleep. Beside the constant nightmares, another thing that points to PTSD is intrusive thoughts. In chapter 66, when his aunt suggests something horrible about his mother, the boy is assaulted by a vivid and distressing memory of the white cat, leaving him shaking uncontrollably. Deep down, he knows his aunt is right, but he can’t deal with that reality. 

The horror of knowing the truth

   The cat memory isn’t the only one tormenting Seiichi, however. When he witnesses his mother committing an abhorrent act, their connection becomes inextricable. Soon after, he begins suffering from anxiety attacks and functional stuttering. This condition is explained as not being “consciously produced by the patient but cannot be explained by physical cause.” The reason it can’t be explained is because it has a sudden onset and it’s closely associated with an emotional crisis. The stuttering only improves in the presence of Fukiishi, although it never really disappears. 

   Indeed, the event of July 27th is the watershed moment in Seiichi’s young life. That was the moment where the delicate balance that regulated his existence vanished forever. After he witnesses that event, his father tells him to “take care” of her. Ichiro delegates that mission to his son and then leaves them. But how can a 13-year-old boy become responsible for his mother’s wellbeing?! Even though I would like the answer to that question, the answer is irrelevant, because Seiichi does take it upon himself to help his mother with this shocking new situation that they find themselves in… And throughout the manga, he essentially “sets himself on fire to keep his mother warm”. He adheres to a grotesque covenant with her, lying to the police to protect her, setting himself on a downward spiral. He analyzes his mother’s behavior and tries to understand her motives, until he overhears an argument between his parents. He becomes convinced that he’s the source of all her suffering. 

   None of this is his fault, of course. Children don’t owe their parents anything. The truth is, it was Seiko that began to enmesh herself with her son from the beginning, twisting the appropriate mother-son dynamic out of shape. The first chapters give us plenty of clues that this relationship is ‘too close for comfort’ for Seiichi. From her constantly invading his personal space, to him frequently rejecting her advances. This bond wasn’t corrupted simply by the fact that Seiko doesn’t knock on her son’s bedroom door before entering, though. According to The Emotional Incest Syndrome: “children are powerless against an emotionally Invasive Parent. Their sense of self is so limited and their need to be connected to their parents is so great that adults have total control over the relationship. When a parent takes advantage of this power and turns to a son or daughter for need fulfillment, there is a violation of the intimacy taboo between parent and child.”

The parentified child

   Before his first nightmare, Seiichi seemed to be in a state of emotional numbness, but after the incident on the mountain, the boy effectively became a surrogate partner to his mother. His father, who was more worried about his nephew at the time, encouraged his son to tend to his mother’s care, unconsciously sanctioning the inversion of parental roles. Like any child in his position, Seiichi is left to guess what’s in his mother’s mind, because he lacks the emotional maturity to make his father understand that he’s responsible for fulfilling his wife’s emotional needs. That he’s so enmeshed with his mother makes him mirror her every emotion, because he was never allowed to have his own sense of self. He feels terribly guilty for her misery; he feels responsible for her sadness, (imagining that it stems from his own existence), and that weight is never lifted from him throughout the manga. 

Burdened by guilt

   In addition, there are moments where Seiko complains about her marriage to her son, sharing with him information she should only share with her husband, with another family member, or a close friend. In chapter 64, Seiko confides in her son about her feelings regarding the people surrounding her – something she should tell a psychiatrist – highly inappropriate to talk to her son about emotions he’s not mature enough to understand, and a heavy burden for the child, who is forced to cater to his mother’s emotional needs. Moreover, it’s yet another way in which she invades her son’s personal space – emotionally, rather than physically – by sharing intimate details of her state of mind with him.

   Seiichi displays “a lack of awareness of his feelings and needs”; he blames himself for his mother’s suffering, and he’s mistreated by his friends and his cousin without complaint. According to Alan Rappoport, in his article “Co-Narcissism: How We Accommodate to Narcissistic Parents” he fits the characteristics of a co-narcissist. He is treated by his mother like a little puppet who can be controlled, who is completely devoted to her, will never desert her, and offers her unconditional love and admiration. Seiichi goes through a predictable pattern of behavior, typical of children raised by a parent with a narcissistic disturbance: at first, he rebels against his mother’s wishes when he pursues a relationship with Fukiishi, trying to gain some semblance of independence. Later, he begins to comply with his mother’s wishes, adopting the same beliefs and behaving the way she wants him to. As soon as he starts mimicking her beliefs, he starts identifying with her, claiming he understands her, and knows how she has always felt about the world around her.

   Seiichi becomes what Toxic Relationships: Abuse and Its Aftermath describes as: “a masterful provider of Narcissistic Supply, a perfect match to the parent’s personality, an ideal source, an accommodating, understanding and caring caterer to all the needs, whims, mood swings and cycles” of his mother. He becomes easily trapped in a cycle of hope (that his mother will realize her mistakes and apologize), and fear (that all the bad things are really his fault, and that she will abandon him). In a way, the co-narcissist victim suffers from a strange form of Stockholm Syndrome – a condition in which a hostage expresses empathy towards their captor, and often defends them with tooth and nail against everyone and everything. Co-narcissism is nothing more than a survival mechanism that children like Seiichi develop in order to cope with the abusive relationship they can’t possibly escape from – something he freely admits to Fukiishi in chapter 81.

Easy confession

   This might all be true, but the reality is that it’s not pleasant for the readers to watch this kid always return to the arms of the woman who is abusing him. But this path is long and torturous; a tortuously long and systematic destruction of this kid’s mind and soul. The best example of this is the scene where she manages to convince her son that he didn’t see what he saw on the cliff and, essentially, substitute a real memory for a fake one. The term for this is ‘gaslighting’. “It is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person (the gaslighter) subverts another person’s reality by denying obvious truths, the surrounding environment, or their feelings. People targeted by gaslighters will, in turn, go against the very basic instincts they possess – they will no longer trust their perception, awareness, emotions, or who they are.”

   In the beginning, the boy resists her because, even though she’s trying to be sympathetic, he knows she’s lying to him. But as she discredits all of his emotions and perceptions, and forces him to accept a different reality, Seiichi begins to believe his mother’s memory of the events over his own. Chapter after chapter, he gradually yields what is left of his agency. To suffer the threat of rejection and abandonment is the last straw for him. When he is left out in the rain, getting back inside the house becomes a matter of survival, because that’s every child’s worst nightmare. Children have this inescapable need of feeling safe and loved... and that takes precedence over everything else. He abides by his mother's whims, but we can see the fear in his eyes the entire time. The need to get back in his mother’s good graces pushes his relationship with Fukiishi to the breaking point. 

   And, although he does everything his mother demands of him, she gives him the cold shoulder until, in a desperate attempt to win back her affection, he tells his aunt (in a rather emphatic way) how Seiko has always felt for her husband’s side of the family. Only then is he rewarded. What he doesn’t know is that he’s being put through a vicious cycle of idealization (when Seiko apologizes profusely, tells him he’s a good boy, that she understands him, and that things will change between them); devaluation (when she gaslights and humiliates him) and discardment (when she refuses to even look or talk to him).

   Like a hamster spinning on a wheel, the boy keeps going through this cycle of misery, so he can recover the good moments with his mother, whatever passes for what he thinks affection is. What Seiichi doesn’t know is that “intermittent reinforcement of positive behaviors throughout the abuse cycle is a tactic that allows dopamine to flow more readily in the brain, creating reward circuits associated with the abuser, and ultimately strengthening the addictive “trauma bond” between abuser and victim”. 

   Deep in his subconscious, Seiichi knows that his aunt is right when she accuses his mother of hurting him, but he can’t face that reality. In that moment, all of the anger buried deep inside him is transferred to his aunt. I believe he would never have that outburst with his mom, because there’s this duality of feelings. When he is with her, he chooses submission as a defense mechanism but, on some level, he knows that she hurt him somehow.

   In the book Beyond the Violation of the Self: Getting Your Soul Right, it says: “the conscious child does not choose to dissociate the trauma […] the unconscious mind makes this choice not to allow the unpleasant, overwhelming material to enter the child’s psyche.” However, even though Seiichi can’t remember what happened to him, the trauma of the event actively expresses itself all throughout the story. In the beginning, what we see as a normal 13-year-old rejecting his mother’s affections, becomes a realization that the boy never feels safe around her. He’s anxious, and later develops full blown panic attacks whenever he’s with her. His emotional numbness – the defense mechanism his body and mind worked up in order to shield him from the violence he experienced, and keep him alive – gives way to terror when he witnesses her cold-blooded act on July 27th. Another way in which these traumatic memories manifest is through random acts of violence at school. In chapter 62.5, Seiichi begins to see his classmates as nothing but disformed blobs. This feeling of disconnect from the world around him is a symptom of dissociation, common in victims of traumatic stress. 

Distorted vision

   In all of the manga, there are two moments where Seiichi actively tries to protect himself from his mother: in chapter 29, the boy forcefully rejects his mother’s grasp on him, after she asks him where he’s been. In chapter 60, after realizing that he’s not allowed to choose something as basic as his breakfast, Seiichi cups his genital area with his hands, as if to hide it. I believe both scenes represent the same: on a subconscious level, Seiichi knows he’s in mortal danger. This realization works on another level: by dismissing his autonomy over his choices and decisions breakfast-wise, and rendering him an insignificant, dependent ‘doll’ to be fawned over (like a newborn baby), the boy feels like he’s been metaphorically castrated by his mother. 

Trying to protect himself

   Seiichi’s constant and brutal exposure to trauma and repeated abuse from an early age leaves him vulnerable to a plethora of mental disorders, but there is one that’s easily verifiable in the manga. According to Psychosis in Childhood and Adolescence: “Stressful life events and heightened sensitivity to negative emotions due to early trauma can likewise contribute to the severity of mood disorders and their association with episodes of psychosis.” Simply put: a psychotic episode happens when someone is overloaded with stress. And no one is more overloaded than Seiichi. His lack of identity, his cold isolation, and the fact that he’s a victim of gaslighting, make his fragile mind lapse into psychotic episodes. Moments like the brawl at school are exacerbated by the fact that his mother gives him positive reinforcement, instead of telling her son that what he did was wrong, and taking him to a counselor, so he could talk about how he was feeling regarding his classmates. Seiichi experiences both the false belief that he’s being bullied, and then, he hallucinates that all of his classmates and family members are dead. The combination of the delusion with the hallucinations causes him to have a violent outburst towards his classmates. After his mom leaves the house – and contrary to what the readers would expect – Seiichi’s delusions and hallucinations worsen.

   During a reenactment of his first trauma, he becomes thoroughly convinced that he’s the cause of all of his mother’s suffering, a delusion that had been building up since the beginning of the story. Seiichi has several hallucinations, and he ends up making a big mistake. In chapter 95, after the police pick him up, he hallucinates that his cousin Shigeru is the white cat. As the time passes, and up until chapter 100, he clearly explains his delusional thought process to the detective. He admits that he is the evil one who hurt his mother, due to his mere existence. In chapter 101, the boy continues to hallucinate that his cousin is talking to him while he’s in the detention facility. He’s also convinced that his feelings for his cousin are what got him hurt the first time around. 

Always guilty

   His relationship with his cousin is somewhat of a mystery, considering we don’t have a lot of time between the two of them. Shigeru seems to be your average arrogant teenager and, like other teenagers in this manga, he’s rather reckless and obnoxious. The manner in which he plays with his cousin is not something I’d consider out of the ordinary; however, Seiichi lacks any knowledge of what healthy personal boundaries are, so it’s understandable that he might consider it a form of ‘bullying’. The same is true for his classmates. The fact that the few people he calls friends take advantage of his good nature, and act callously towards him is not surprising, given his upbringing. I don’t consider them bullies, though.

   The biggest issue is that Seiichi was taught to not have a personal space and to not say ‘no’. Hence, he’s unable to defend himself against their onslaught of juvenile pranks. There are a few panels on chapter 62 where there’s a direct correlation between his classmate and his cousin. Throughout their time together, he has expressed some annoyance, and he has told the detective that he feels that Shigeru was always “mean to him”. Does this mean that Seiichi wants his cousin dead? I doubt it. Shigeru pulled a really callous prank on his cousin, when he pushed him near a cliff. I doubt he was trying to kill him, though… Teenagers pull stupid pranks on each other all the time. For me, Seiichi’s feelings for Shigeru seem to be just misplaced anger and frustration for seeing his personal space constantly invaded.

   The other individual who insinuates herself in his personal space is Fukiishi, his demure classmate. Unlike Shigeru, Seiichi doesn’t mind her presence. Once again, the manga doesn’t provide us with detail regarding their relationship before chapter 1; but, although it doesn’t appear that they were close friends, it’s obvious – from the lingering looks – that Seiichi has feelings for her. Oftentimes, he seems overwhelmed by her presence, but he ends up letting her in. His relationship with Fukiishi is utterly different from all others. She represents his only independent choice and it’s his best kept secret, with the boy going to great lengths to keep it from his mother's scrutiny. Lying about spending time with Fukiishi was the only time Seiichi was able to outwit his mother. Twice in the manga, Seiichi stands his ground and defies her to protect Fukiishi (either as his secret, or herself), knowing that it could cost him his life.

Lingering looks

   If, in the early chapters, it feels like the girl is using underhanded tactics with him, as the narrative moves forward, her motives become apparent. From the moment she writes him the letter, she ‘puts her cards on the table’, and she leaves it up to him to decide if he wants to be with her or not. The author likes to ‘muddle the waters’, to confuse the readers’ regarding the girl’s intentions, by making many visual parallels between her and Seiko (there’s a distinct head tilt and a mysterious smile the two often share; as well as an eerie moment where their hands reach out for the boy). But I believe there are two crucial distinctions: their intentions towards Seiichi, and the effect they have on him. 

                 Seiko’s hands                        Fukiishi’s hands

   To illustrate what I mean, let me go back to an early image. Seiko pets a dead cat, while Fukiishi pets a live one. This moment seems to foreshadow her relationship with Seiichi, in a way. In chapter 3, she moves towards the kitty and pets him. The feline appreciates her tenderness, and even returns it. In that moment, there’s a softness in Seiichi’s eyes; it’s as if his young soul is melting at the very notion that affection can be so freely given between two living beings, without any expectations or dark motives behind it. 

   Later in the story, the relationship between the two kids follows a similar path, even though it could seem farfetched to call this moment foreshadowing. On the other hand, the boy is symbolically associated with cats, so… 

   Fukiishi goes to his house and hands him the letter containing her love confession but, after that, she leaves it up to him to decide if he wants to enter a relationship with her. Sure, when she sees him in the beginning of the school year, she asks him about whether or not he had read her letter, but she doesn’t coerce an answer out of him. When she follows him to the park in chapter 26, she doesn’t extort an answer out of him either. Seiichi volunteers how happy he was from getting the letter from her. From that moment on, from the second he fights his inner demons and manages to ask Fukiishi to be his girlfriend, their relationship changes. 

Overcoming all his demons to reach Fukiishi

   We can easily see how Seiichi rejoices when he’s with Fukiishi. But what is this relationship about? Is it innocent puppy love, or something far more sinister that brings these kids together? I guess I could be tempted to follow the cynical route of repetition compulsion, but I don’t think that’s a good enough explanation for what’s going on between them. A lot of readers are torn between real love versus simple physical attraction, while other readers insist this relationship has nothing to do with any of that, and that the girl is merely a small replica of his mother. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. Given who the author is, it could very easily be all of the above. Indeed, their relationship has moments of Love, lust, and repetition compulsion. 

   Love is quite an unintelligible concept (despite the best attempts of philosophers like Plato) but, as a powerful and mystical force that moves people to do the unthinkable, it requires no justification. Lust explains itself pretty easily: many scientists agree that humans have the natural ability to ‘smell’ out a potential partner, whose immune system is radically different from their own. Their union would produce healthier offspring, more capable of fighting diseases. Basically, that’s how Thoroughbred breeders rationalize crossing their horses. They breed the best with the best, and hope for the best. Mother nature does this automatically. Apart from that one moment in chapter 38, where Fukiishi says she likes the way he smells, and the moment in chapter 72, where Seiichi spends his dawn ‘seizing the lion’ after dreaming about Fukiishi, it’s very tricky to separate these different aspects. 

   What about repetition compulsion? How does that fit in? According to The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: “One of the most significant patterns established by those who are emotionally abused in childhood is based on what is called the repetition compulsion – an unconscious strive to repeat the same type of abusive relationship we ourselves experienced as a child in an attempt to accomplish a new outcome. The repetition compulsion compels us to transfer our longings, conflicts, and defenses from the past onto the present in an attempt to undo the past. It drives us to relive the same story over and over again in the hope that this time the ending will be different.”

   There is no denying that both Seiichi and Fukiishi are two deeply traumatized children with uncountable emotional scars and unmet emotional needs. Our parents are our templates for all future relationships. Would it be safe to say that Seiichi is attracted to the more assertive (and a little clingy) Fukiishi? Maybe… But this girl is nothing like Seiko… Not in temperament, at least. And… it’s not for the lack of opportunity. She has had ample opportunity to take advantage of Seiichi while he was in very vulnerable moments… and she didn’t.

   The biggest test of humanity is how someone treats people they have power over. These kids are virtually the same age, so there’s no power disparity between them. However, on a mental level, she is stronger than him. That’s her edge over Seiichi. And yet, she always treated him with respect. 

   In the earlier chapters, it appears that she was imposing herself on him rather aggressively, which I always found quite suspicious. As chapters went on, my opinion on her changed. Wanting to get closer to a boy you’ve been in love with for a year is not weird, and her behavior towards him is always in high regard. I’ll elaborate on Fukiishi’s personality later on. 

   For now, it’s easy to see that both these kids’ lives are fraught with abuse and inescapable emotional suffering. Seiichi is looking for unconditional love, acceptance, nurturing, and validation. His parents were supposed to provide that for him, but they never did. Oh, sure, he lives in a nice house, sleeps in a comfy bed, and has regular food and water – all of which he could get from a five-star spa hotel in the Mauritius Islands. Unconditional Love and acceptance, however, he should’ve gotten from his parents. And they failed him miserably. He suffers from repetition compulsion with his own mother, in the way he always comes back to her, hoping that, this time, he’ll find the love and acceptance he so desperately needs. Later, in chapter 89, he fails his crucible in the blizzard, because he falls in the same trap all abused kids fall into: he would rather take the blame for the abuse, than to admit he was never loved to begin with.

   But Fukiishi is the only character who freely gives him what he’s been looking for. Many may argue that Fukiishi is a stalker and is clingy, but I prefer to judge her for the effect she has on Seiichi. From the moment she confesses her feelings to him, and until she gets an answer, I could agree that she is a bit insistent, which could be perceived as ‘stalking behavior’. However, the minute Seiichi asks her to be his girlfriend, their whole dynamic changes. She makes him happy; his crippling stutter gets better in her presence; they’re able to just be normal kids. They open up to each other about their problematic family life, and there is no recrimination, no judgment and no fear. 

Thanking Fukiishi

   In chapter 33, after Fukiishi helps Seiichi when he’s in the middle of a panic attack, the boy defends her from his mother, and rebels against her for the first time in his life. Later, she defends him from her father’s wrath in chapter 40. For me, though, the real test comes in chapter 41. Apart from the plot contrivance of Fukiishi leaving her home without shoes or a coat on a rainy day, Seiichi lends her his sweater and his shoes whilst in the middle of a PTSD-induced panic attack. Just like way back in the thicket, Fukiishi tries to help him, tries to calm him down, but to no avail. Before leaving, he lends her his sweater and shoes so she won’t be so cold when she goes back home. When his mind short-circuited from the panic attack, Fukiishi could’ve taken advantage of him, but she didn’t. Likewise, Seiichi could’ve just walked out on her without an explanation or anything, but he made sure, in his panic ridden mind, that she wouldn’t have to walk back in the rain with no protection at all. He probably knows that what happened isn’t her fault: but, since he was nearly strangled by his mother, having anyone on top of him like that was probably enough to induce the panic attack. I guess the point is that Fukiishi never takes advantage of him the way his mother does, and Seiichi never takes advantage of her the way… Sasaki does. You know, that kid from chapter 65, when Seiichi hides and sees him kissing Fukiishi, taking advantage of the fact that she had been hurt by her father, all under the pretense of wanting to protect her. But, of course, protecting someone doesn’t include non-consensual kissing.

   Even though I do believe that there is a repetition compulsion component to the relationship, these kids show to each other much more affection and respect than they ever got at home. Maybe that’s how the repetition compulsion manifests itself. For the psychological event is not just about a mere repetition of the past, it’s about trying to heal the emotional wounds carried from childhood and projecting a healing in other people. It’s interesting to see the kids reuniting after Seiko leaves, and how they try to exorcise the influence of both their mothers from their lives. 

   It’s very interesting that Seiichi tells her some of his backstory with his mother on his own accord. He never says a word about it to his father, he refuses to talk to his aunt about it, he outright lies to the police detective when he asks him if he has been abused, but he just tells Fukiishi, and she doesn’t even ask. That displays an enormous amount of trust on his part. Their bonding moment and their little ritual is the tip of the iceberg of how much of their lives is comprised of pain, loneliness and abuse. 

   The only thing Seiichi has learned in life is that things can be fine one moment, and terrible the next. That is very clear in one of the panels, when Fukiishi says ‘Die’ as she holds a rock above her head. The terror in his eyes is evident, as he thinks she’s going to throw the rock at him. In spite of that moment of doubt, Seiichi spends a lot of time reading her moods (a survival mechanism he learned by trying to guess his mother’s moods). 

   Seiichi seems to have a real insight into Fukiishi's soul, even before she shares her turbulent family situation with him. In chapter 31, he notices how sad she is (even though I didn’t see anything in her face). Fukiishi was delighted that he saw through her ‘tough girl’ façade, and she opened up to him about her strained relationship with her father. It’s heartwarming when the two kids confess they would rather stay in the bench together forever than to go back home. I believe Seiichi means every word he says. 

The empath

   There’s a peculiar panel in chapter 83, in which Oshimi breaks a single image into two panels. From a graphic point, this arrangement helps the public read the speech balloons in their logical order. Though I’m not entirely sure what the author’s intention is, there is a curious effect the image has on me. On the right side, Seiichi makes plans for the future, the future he wants for himself. On the left side, Seiichi just speaks his mind on how he feels about her. He is assuring Fukiishi that the future he envisions definitely includes her. I don’t think he’s lying to her. I don’t even think he’s lying to himself. I believe he genuinely wants to move on with his life! I also believe that he has absolutely no idea how deep his trauma goes because, despite the police detective’s words, he cannot be his own person at this point in the narrative. That’s one of the major ideas in this manga. 

The truth

   Being your own person, having a sense of self, is crucial for people to have a set of values to go by, to plan their future, and live their lives, but Seiichi was never encouraged to carve his own identity. Any attempt at independent thought or action was swiftly crushed by his mother. So, even though the detective tells him he is his own person, and then Seiichi parrots those very words in chapter 100, he doesn’t really know what that means, nor can he put it in practice. Maybe that’s why in the next panel (when he says he’s alright) there’s hatching in the drawing, to symbolize the contrast between his words and reality. Seiichi is like a bird who not only was trapped in a cage for 13 years, but also had his wings cut off. It takes more than sheer willpower to change that. 

   According to Treating Complex Traumatic Stress Disorders: “An individual’s sense of self both assimilates and adapts the significant elements of his or her developmental experience and attachment environment. When phase-appropriate challenges are blended with adequate stability in the attunement for the caregiver(s), the child’s sense of self can grow, spurred on by the ability to explore the environment and increasingly function independently of the attachment figure but clearly able to return to the secure base in times of stress, loss, and overstimulation. In contrast, when children are raised in an environment that lacks attachment security with the key caregiver(s), they are less able to explore and to develop their self-capacities. When exposed to experiences that exceed their personal capacities and resources, overload occurs, and self-development is replaced by anxieties about attachment in the development of survival strategies. Whether they occur in childhood or later, traumatic experiences, events and relationships, by definition, overwhelm the organism’s ability to absorb and integrate them. They are “too much” at a variety of sensory levels. They inundate. Cognitively, they shatter existing frameworks and are difficult to reconcile. Experientially, they engender helplessness.”

The factory worker

   This inability to form an independent self turns Seiichi into a helpless adult. After spending many years under the care of the state (for inadvertently taking his cousin’s life), he returns to polite society, finishes school and leaves for Tokyo. Adult Seiichi is a nonentity, living a life of total abnegation, sleeping in a minuscule apartment, and working at the graveyard shift at a factory for the Seipan Company (manufacturing of bread and other bakery products). Despite being a smart boy, and a straight “A” student, his job doesn't require any amount of mental dexterity. He’s one of dozens on the factory floor, but never mingles with his colleagues. In chapter 110, we learn that he often sees his dead cousin. The food he consumes most certainly comes from a convenience store. He has no hobbies to speak of, no close friends or acquaintances. Seiichi seems to have withdrawn from all social contact; he is merely surviving, day after day, not devoting himself to anyone or anything. His relationship with his father is estranged; they barely see each other. Later, we learn that Ichiro did everything he could to provide his son with the stability he needed to finish high-school. He tried to get him to work for his accounting firm (unsuccessfully), and he apologized for not protecting him. Despite his best efforts, Seiichi didn’t seem to hold it against him. After finishing high school, the young man thanked him for everything he did and disappeared to Tokyo.

Wandering

   Seiichi grows up to be a rootless, cheerless individual, without a strong foundation of beliefs and life goals, being left with nothing but deep-seated ideas of worthlessness and shame. Throughout his adult life, he endured the unbearable weight of the trauma his mother inflicted on him, his guilt over contributing to his cousin’s death, and his ambivalent feelings towards his father. I guess it’s a legitimate question to ask if the PTSD he suffered as a child stuck with him until he became an adult.

   Does PTSD vanish on its own? It doesn’t seem that way, since we witness him having psychotic episodes, both with his cousin and even his mother. Have his experiences morphed into a condition called Complex PTSD? Whether Seiichi suffers from Complex PTSD, or if the trauma he was put through somehow contributed to him developing another mental condition like Schizophrenia is – in large part – a matter of opinion. However, there are good arguments for both theories.

   Since early childhood, Seiichi exhibited signs of PTSD, evident from the nightmares about his mother and the dead cat, and later, the events that involved his cousin. By the time he tried to follow the natural impulse to go out into the world by himself he was already too broken. Though we’re not privy to his dreams in his adult years, it is plain to see that Seiichi is in a constant state of emotional numbness. The big problem is that Seiichi was abandoned by his mother, but he was never emancipated from her. Seiko’s influence is like a tourniquet around his soul and his sense of identity, leading him to live an utmost low-key existence. In chapter 106, we witness Seiko as she, for the last time, usurped his personality and his identity and abandoned him, cursing him to live the rest of his days as a hollow husk.

   According to Psychcentral: “C-PTSD isn’t a recognized diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition (DSM-5). While the manual does acknowledge that some people may experience severe symptoms with PTSD, it doesn’t give a separate diagnosis based on C-PTSD specifically. In the World Health Organization’s International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), C-PTSD is listed as its own condition. In this manual, C-PTSD includes symptoms of PTSD but focuses on the group of traits often seen with chronic trauma.” Seiichi shows many symptoms of C-PTSD, such as: a negative view of himself (he has very low self-esteem); dissociation, or disconnecting from emotions (he has this distant look in his eyes when distressing events happen); relationship difficulties (he has no friends or companions, and can’t even appreciate Ichiro's dubitable affection for him); loss of belief system (he struggles to find his own identity), and difficulty recognizing reality (his conversations with his dead cousin and absent mother are the most striking examples). He’s easily triggered by his father simply mentioning Seiko, and is reduced to a sweaty mess, as if he is being transported back to those days when his mother’s voice was enough to cause a panic attack. Those intrusive thoughts can linger in the back of his mind and make him lose control of his emotions like we see in chapter 112.

Losing control of his emotions

   Seiichi also seems to suffer from something called Diogenes syndrome. This behavioral disorder is characterized by self-neglect, domestic squalor, apathy, compulsive hoarding of garbage and social isolation. When we meet him in chapter 109, we see him living in a one room apartment cluttered by plastic bags full of garbage. His chabudai (short-legged table used in Japanese homes) is full of empty cans of Strong Zero (a popular alcoholic drink). In the past, cluttered rooms have been shown in Seiichi’s childhood home, including his bedroom, after his mother was taken into police custody. I’m not sure whether she also suffered from Diogenes syndrome, or if hers is a case of simply dropping the mask of the ‘good housewife’ as she begins to reveal her true nature. Seiichi lives in a much messier place as an adult. It’s also a different kind of clutter. As a child, his bedroom had scattered clothes and books. In his adult years, his place is full of garbage bags. There is never an explanation as to why this is.

Messy apartment

   According to José Manuel Ferro Veiga, in his book The universe of phobias and addictions: “Diogenes syndrome is associated with the inability to throw away all useless objects and accumulate garbage at home.” According to a document in the National Library of Medicine, this syndrome “is often associated with other mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia, mania, and frontotemporal dementia. While no clear etiology exists, it is hypothesized that it may be due to a stress reaction in people with certain pre-morbid personality traits, such as being aloof, or certain personality disorders, such as schizotypal or obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.”

   The idea that this condition was triggered as a traumatic reaction seems reasonable. His aloofness has worsened since his childhood days. In the early chapters, we could argue that he had few friends. When we meet him post time-skip, we realize that he lives in a self-imposed solitude. No reason is ever given: maybe he feels ashamed for what happened to his cousin, maybe he just lost the ability to trust people… Whatever his motive may be, there’s only one person with whom he had something resembling a conversation. That was Fukiishi – when he met her at the cemetery. That moment has the curious paradox of him wanting to talk to Fukiishi, while keeping her in the dark about his identity.

   His desire for anonymity can be seen in chapter 117, when he tries to hide his face under a bucket hat so that he can go unrecognized by the inhabitants of his birth town. A feat he succeeds in admirably, maybe due to the fact that no one cares who he is or what he did in the past. His fortuitous meeting with Fukiishi and her two daughters does little to change his stance, despite his shock about meeting the girl he fell in love with in his youth. Even assuming that the bucket hat hides his yearning gaze, as he attempts to assure Fukiishi that they’ve never met before, his shocked expression betrays him. And then, after he tells her they don’t know each other, he doesn’t just walk away. For a couple of panels, he stares wistfully at her oldest daughter, who is a carbon copy of 14-year-old Fukiishi, as if he is mourning the loss of the future he never got to live with her. In that moment, he allows that vulnerability to shine through, and he asks Fukiishi whether the girl is her daughter, while she asks him if he’s visiting a dead relative. He wants to have one last moment with her, even if he doesn’t want her to know who he is. Does he think she would be angry at him for what he did to his cousin? Is he ashamed that he couldn’t live up to their promise in chapter 82? Maybe both? We’ll never know. Whichever the case may be, it’s obvious he didn’t want to leave without a proper goodbye, after which he never looks back. I’m sure Seiichi was as hurt by this encounter as Fukiishi was, by the look on her face after he leaves; but it’s interesting to think that for one single moment, our protagonist, who doesn’t strike up a conversation with anybody, (not even his father), was moved enough to start a dialogue with the love of his life. This encounter affected him enough to almost dissuade him from his suicide attempt. Emotionally, they’re strangers to one another. Seeing her doesn’t attenuate his desire to die, it probably even exacerbates it. Seiichi buries his last hope for a brighter future in the same cemetery he buried his father in. And who can blame him?

Last goodbye

   Seiichi fits many diagnostic criteria for complex post-traumatic stress disorder and Diogenes syndrome. What about Schizophrenia? According to Romeo Vitelli, in his book What you need to know about Schizophrenia: “a factor that seems to play a strong role in whether someone develops psychotic symptoms is having a history of childhood trauma. For example, a 2019 study examined 4000 young people who reported some form of trauma during the first 17 years of life found that the participants were 2 to 3 times more likely than non-traumatized youths to develop psychosis by the age of eighteen. That same study showed that youths experiencing multiple forms of childhood trauma were 4 to 5 times more likely to develop psychosis than less traumatized children. In another study that looked at people between the ages of 18 and 35 experiencing first-episode psychosis, 89% reported some history of childhood trauma compared to 39% of matched controls.”

   Schizophrenia might have a traumatic component to it, but it is usually the result of a genetic component. It would be easier to diagnose Seiichi with Schizophrenia if one of his parents exhibited symptoms of the disease. So, is there a case to be made about Seiichi suffering from this particular condition? Well, I think it’s worth consideration; but first, we need to define what Schizophrenia is.

   According to the National Institute of Mental Health, “Schizophrenia is a serious mental illness that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. People with Schizophrenia may seem like they have lost touch with reality, which can be distressing for them and for their family and friends.” Schizophrenia is characterized by ‘positive’ (experiences in addition to reality) and ‘negative’ (affecting one’s ability to function in the world) symptoms. Positive symptoms include: hallucinations; delusions, and disorganized thinking. Negative symptoms include: lack of motivation; sluggish movement; change in sleep patterns; poor grooming or hygiene; difficulty planning or setting goals; becoming withdrawn (not saying much, change in body language, lack of eye contact, less interested in usual hobbies and activities); reduced range of emotions; low sex drive, and cognitive experiences (low attention span, memory problems, unable to absorb information, poor decision making).

   Observing this constellation of negative symptoms, one can conclude that Seiichi could fit the diagnosis for this particular disorder, but let’s analyze it a little further. Does he exhibit any positive symptoms? Well, he sees his mother and his younger self when he goes with his cousin Shigeru to the hilltop and, in his adult years, he seems to hallucinate both his cousin and his mother frequently. But I often wonder if those are real hallucinations? Are these really visual and auditory perceptions in the absence of any external objects or events, or are they the result of a psychotic episode — a visual manifestation of his inner psyche and sense of guilt towards both his cousin, his mother and himself? I think both interpretations have validity; however, I lean towards the second. They seem like hallucinations, but I believe they are the visual manifestations of his consuming guilt, his inner torment, his self-hatred and his complex feelings for his mother. His moments with his cousin at the hilltop and the events leading to his death are a visualization of his psychotic breakdown, but not necessarily a hallucination, since Shigeru’s presence provides the stimulus to the actions Seiichi takes.

   Another idea I’ve seen tossed around is that his mother’s face is also a hallucination. To this theory, I offer the following explanation: Seiko’s appearance is an emotional response by Seiichi. When he doesn’t understand her, her face is half in the dark; when he’s scared of her, she assumes monstrous proportions; when he trusts her, she becomes this godly figure. Her face changes every so often to give us Seiichi’s state of mind, but I don’t interpret it as a hallucination either. The reason she is often portrayed so young is probably because that's the face he saw when he opened his eyes to the world, and to him, it represents safety and love. After the time-skip, when he meets her at the police station, this ruse becomes apparent, since she quite literally morphs from old to young. Seiichi projects in this ‘younger’ image all of his childhood hopes and anxieties. Whenever he tries to be rational about the situation, Seiko has the appearance of a 60 something year old woman.

Ever-changing face

   If we consider that Seiichi has no ‘positive’ symptoms, could a diagnosis of Schizophrenia still be valid? Well, it is possible for someone to be diagnosed with Schizophrenia based entirely on ‘negative’ symptoms. In fact, the lack of motivation, social withdrawal, and flat affect (i.e. reduced emotional expression) is often considered a hallmark feature of the disorder. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) includes a subtype of Schizophrenia called “Schizophrenia with predominantly negative symptoms,” which can be diagnosed when at least two of the following negative symptoms are present: diminished emotional expression, avolition (lack of motivation or interest), alogia (poverty of speech), or anhedonia (reduced ability to experience pleasure).

   Adult Seiichi goes through life with stolid indifference. Throughout his adult years, his facial expressions are very diminished, in great contrast from the variety of facial expressions he displayed as a boy. The corollary of this symptom is evident in Chapter 111; it’s 22 pages full of panel after panel of Seiichi’s thousand-yard stare, even though his father comes to visit him after months of separation, and they go out for a walk and a nice meal. His avolition is also shown in Chapter 111, since Seiichi shows no will of his own and no interest in seeing his father or going out for a walk and a meal with him. Other chapters show his disinterest in most activities; his lack of verbal capabilities (he barely speaks)… His silence doesn’t translate as rudeness, though; he’s never discourteous to anyone around him. There’s also his inability to find pleasure in the simplest activities of life. Unlike his father, he can't seem to enjoy a nice stroll through the park or a good meal, and he drinks alcohol in a somewhat compulsive manner. 

Time between father and son

   All of these he shows throughout the manga post time-skip, with the exception of chapter 140, where he finally finds some pleasure in reading books and finds the motivation to clean his apartment and stop drinking.

The beginning of change 

   There’s something of an impalpability to emotional trauma but, at the same time, something as simple as a word or an action can set it off. Psychotic breakdowns are an example of that impalpability. What exactly sets them off? Seiichi suffered two psychotic episodes when he was 13 years-old: one when he was in school, and another while he was at the hilltop with his cousin. Parallel with these psychotic episodes, Seiichi also suffers from the delusion that he is the cause of all suffering around him, including that his mother is miserable because of him. That delusion is equal parts the weight his father put on him early on in the story, and his own sense of pity over his mother’s unmitigated unhappiness. That he took on the responsibility for his mother’s well-being is encapsulated in the fact that he offered to pay her late rent money as well as six months’ worth of rent in advance, without any prompting from her. Whether he felt pressured by the earnest police officers; felt a sense of familial obligation to take care of his mother, or is yearning to come to terms with the past and move on with his life, is anyone’s guess. I believe that he still feels responsible for her even after 20 years of estrangement. Whatever the reason, when he concedes to paying for her late and further rents with his father's inheritance never breaks that delusion broken; if anything, it reinforces it.

   All in all, I believe Seiichi has enough symptoms to make a diagnosis of Schizophrenia a very plausible one. His traumatic experiences, like an insect trapped in amber, are fossilized inside of him, intact and terrifying. The question for the second part of the manga is: can that trauma ever be resolved? What could possibly set in motion the healing of emotional trauma? The road to healing is a long and difficult one but, for Seiichi, it’s made all the more difficult due to the immense guilt he carries with him regarding his mother.

   In chapters 131 to 137, in the middle of the typhoon that hit Tokyo, he learned of how his mother was “killed” in her childhood. This was a turning point for him. He realized that his mother’s behavior had never been a reflection of her feelings for him, but rather a manifestation of her own traumatic wounds. He came to the conclusion that her emotional scars were not that different from his, and that what she did to him was a predictable path to take given her experience with her own abusive parents. After he learns this information, he goes back to his apartment. I wouldn’t exactly call it gaiety, but he’s in a much better mood after that night. 

Changing mood

   The real question of Seiichi’s adult life is whether he can learn to heal himself. The real challenge for Seiichi is whether or not he can learn to break the cycle of violence that had held him captive and haunted his family for generations and, in doing so, find a sense of peace and healing that he may have never thought possible and embrace a brighter, more hopeful future.

   His fate is still unknown, as well as how fresh and painful his wounds still are. Although it’s highly unlikely that anyone suffering from either posttraumatic stress disorder or schizophrenia would just ‘snap out of it’ and get better without outside assistance, I will give the author credit for using a generous dose of artistic license in portraying Seiichi’s mental condition – whichever it is. What we observe in the manga is the absence of a radical shift in Seiichi’s thought pattern. Since the night of the typhoon, Seiichi didn’t start acting as if he forgave his mother, or as if he’s pretending that her behavior was normal. He simply seems to have acknowledged the pain they had both experienced and chose to move forward with his life. Chapter 140 covers a little over a year in his life and it focuses on his newfound ability to find joy in the world of literature. Over that span of time, Seiichi endeavored to improve the quality of his life, starting with the act of cleaning his apartment, and abandoning both the alcohol and the suicidal thoughts which had trapped him in a self-destructive spiral. Perhaps his newfound understanding provided him with a sense of closure and the ability to finally move forward. But can that progress be stifled?

   In chapter 141, Seiichi learns that his mother fell down a flight of stairs and ended up in a hospital. Other than a contusion, discharged her. He dutifully pays for her medical expenses, takes her to her apartment, goes grocery shopping for her, feeds her, and cares for her. In chapter 145, in an unflinching attitude, Seiichi assures the landlord he will pay the remaining rent money, only to carry his mother on his back to his apartment, refusing to discard her to her own luck, even though there's never a shred of recognition in her face, never a light of knowledge that she knows she’s facing the son she abandoned so long ago. 

Carrying the load

   For over 20 years, they lived in the same city, never brushing shoulders, and as toxic as their relationship is, it is the most durable of his life.

   According to the article “Caregiving for Parents who Harmed You: A Conceptual Review”, “For adult children who suffered the trauma of childhood abuse/neglect at the hands of a parent, taking on care responsibilities may involve daily intimate contacts that can be particularly stressful, harmful, and even re-traumatizing Adult children in general do not always feel they have a choice regarding becoming a caregiver for their parents because of limited economic resources, limited availability of formal systems of long-term care, policy transitions from institutionalization to home - and community - based services, and cultural norms of filial obligation.”

   Reaching this moment, Seiichi’s intentions still hang in the air. Is this his sense of duty at work? Is he trying to do the right thing, regardless of his complicated feelings for his mother? I believe that Seiichi thinks it’s his responsibility to care for her, and he may even wish to be able to connect with her on a deeper level and begin to heal some of the wounds that were created in their relationship. However uplifting this idea might be, one has to fear that Seiichi might prioritize his mother over his own well-being yet again, putting himself at risk. Just from a visual standpoint, his appearance in chapter 140 and chapter 142 is very different. If seeing his injured and vulnerable mother makes him feel more empathetic and with a desire to repair their relationship, it might mean that he is regressing in his own healing process. Surprisingly, Seiko doesn’t want her son’s help. Her words at the hospital make that clear, and she repeats them when he takes her back to her apartment. She wants to be left alone to die. However, through chapters 142 to 147, we see a Seiichi determined to not abandon his mother — so much so that he stops going to work altogether so he can always be there for her. He goes through the trouble of bathing her, getting her adult diapers and feeding her, despite the fact that Seiko had lost all will to live.

   The only clue is in chapter 148, where Seiichi imagines a conversation between him and his mother in which she says that she has loved him with all her heart. This small exchange mirrors Seiichi’s natural desire, universal to all children, to seek their parents’ unconditional love. The dynamic of their relationship is so complex and disconcerting, that he feels the need to rationalize his mother’s behavior by clinging to the belief, that deep down, in some corner of her mind, she loved him. That says more about his own feelings than hers, since, despite all the horrors she put him through — of which he considers his fault — he continues to desperately seek her love and approval. Perhaps, he’s simply incapable of reconciling the side of his mother who dressed him and fed him for 13 years with that side of her who would terrify and abuse him. Perhaps he’s trying to care for his mother in the way that he was never able to care for his father in his final moments. Perhaps he’s trying to show attention and care for his mother in the way she never received from her own parents when she was a child… 

   Whichever the case may be, Seiichi knows his mother is on her way out of this world and it’s fair to assume that he’s looking for any kind of closure. His feelings towards his mother are as complex as they are ambiguous — torn between love, fear, guilt, and resentment. These feelings are intertwined and conflicting, trapping him in a cycle of dependency and abuse he hasn’t been able to escape. His love for her is a direct response to the fact that she raised him pretty much by herself. It’s a precious bond to him and he doesn’t want to jeopardize it or lose it, which prompts him to protect her from everyone he imagines would want to hurt her or take her away from him. On the flipside, her humiliations, manipulations, lies, and constant gaslighting are the source of great suffering for him, something he’s desperate to escape. But how to retreat from this intricate familial web?

   I noticed that Chapter 149 seems to offer hope. There have been two other attempts on Seiichi’s part to get out of the cycle of abuse he’s trapped in: in chapter 89 and in chapter 127. In both those chapters, he has conversations with a projection of his mother — meaning he’s really just talking to himself — and his ‘projection mother’ always makes him feel like he’s a horrible person. He reveals his real feelings but he’s always swallowed back by his guilt and self-loathing, making it impossible for him to escape his mother’s emotional grip. 

Chapter 89

Chapter 127

   In chapter 149, Seiichi seems to be finally starting to come to terms with his past. He’s able to confront Seiko about her actions, and he’s able to express his anger and resentment in an irreversible way; he can laugh at his own guilt and self-loathing, which makes me think he’s starting to let go of them.

Chapter 149

   It is still too early to say whether Seiichi will be able to heal from his traumas for good, but he seems to be on the right track. However, it’s important to remember that recovery from such complex emotional and psychological trauma is a gradual process. Setbacks can still occur. Seiichi’s ability to escape the cycle of abuse might involve further exploration of his feelings and continued self-reflection. If he can continue on this path, he may be able to break free from his mother’s toxic grip and finally live a happy and healthy life.

Now what?

Literary Analysis

 

Index 

 

Fukiishi's Psychological Analysis